Be Afraid of What Rebecca Black Hath Unleashed [Terrible Things]

Here at The Gilded Beaver, we strive to showcase the very best of music, television, movies, literature, art, fashion, and culture. However, sometimes it is in our readers best interests if we present what could be deemed the very worst of those categories. It is for this reason I present to you, Friday by Rebecca Black.



Where to begin? Should I start by making fun of her mouth, not only the horrible sounds coming out of it, but also the painful squinchedness of it, as though she were trying to hold several sweet tarts in her cheeks for the duration of the video? No, I think I'll start with the obvious 1st problem: the lyrics.

Could lyrics like "kickin' in the front seat, sittin' in the back seat, gotta make my mind up, which seat can I take?" really sound good if sung by someone with talent? If her Holiness, Our Lady of Gaga were singing this song, I think even I would be forced to say she'd bombed.

Then of course, there is the sickening monotone auto-tunedness. A lot can be said for and against auto-tuning. Auto-tuning covereth a multitude of sins, but there's not much it can do for Rebecca Black.

I wish there were more I could say about this, but I keep watching the video and the awful way she lets her eyes go dead when she sings "Friday, Friday, gettin' down on Friday" just renders me speechless. What has been seen cannot be unseen, and unfortunately for us, what has been heard cannot be unheard.